I’ve realized I had not written much about how Thomas and Oskar were doing in the last months. How they have developed and, well, quite frankly: also, how we as parents have developed. I’ve mostly shared photos and videos, either here or on the family photo stream, and never managed to give more context or talk about how happy I am with how things go. A thing that I have learned is that when you are the second child, you might falsely think your parents seemed to be more interested in your sibling when they were your age. You grow might up and look back at, say, what you parents did when your older sibling was born and in the months and years that followed. And then you might compare this to what they did with you in that same time span. And you might feel that it is less or that certain memoria do not feel as lovingly crafted.
My favorite story where I thought just that is about the photo book my parents made when my brother was born (a beautiful, carefully crafted book) and how it compares to the one they’ve made for me (nice, but clearly less time was spent on that one). I’ve always given my parents a hard time on that.
Because I was stupid and did not know what I was talking about.
Now I know, of course, that it’s a bloody challenge to do all the same stuff with your second child that you have done with your first one. Don’t get me wrong: we actually do the same (or similar) things with Thomas that we did with Oskar. It’s just difficult to document it in the same way as diligently. I’d still argue we are doing pretty okay but with two children you obviously have your hands more full than with one. I always like to tell people who are expecting their second child that if they thought their life has changed massively with the first child and that they didn’t have time anymore for the things they used to have time for (duh!)… they are right. But if they think it’s going to be more or less the same with the second child… they’re wrong.
Oh, are they wrong, buddy!
It is more work. Of course it is. It’s not double. But believe me, you’d notice!
(and I don’t want to know about three kids, thank you very much!)
Does this matter? No, it actually doesn’t. At least not in any of the ways that really matter. Yes, you’ll have the sleepless nights again (and to be clear, we were and are super fortunate with our kids) and yes the first months will be tough. And yes, you’ll have even less time and you are likely even more exhausted than you were before. This won’t change for a while. But having both Oskar and Thomas, and having them within 2 years was the best thing that could have happened to us.
I admit, we are lucky – because our children are fricking awesome!
And, boy, do I love them.
But again: two lovely rascals translates into less time for the things you want to do besides spending it with your children. This means that – in context of this blog – maybe you cannot write about your second child as much as you did when your first one was born. And I gotta say it: you feel the same love for your second child that you feel for the first one, of course (hey, Thomas: thumbs up if you’re reading this :) ). It should not be forgotten that the same situation – less time and attention – is of course true for your first child as well. And this does not change anything about the love you feel for the first one either (hey Oskar: high five if you’re reading this).
Anyway… I wanted to make a quick mention of this before I actually do write more about both Oskar and Thomas in part 2 and 3 of this “kids update”. As it turns out, I am traveling alone through Germany right now, am in a train to Brussels and have a bit of time on my hands.
So if things go well, for once I will actually manage to write about my two boys a little on the way.